Now most of you know how to recognize the enemy. Just by their low, sloping foreheads, their crazy eyes, their long, sharp teeth, their propensity for knuckle walking, and, of course, their tails, they're easy enough to tell apart from us. But how do you spot an enemy sympathizer? This is a little more challenging. You need to look for other things like antisocial behaviour. Enemy sympathizers are antisocial because they secretly hate you. That's why they seldom turn up at social affairs like church. And enemy sympathizers disrupt vital social programs like supermarket shopping. They grow their own vegetables and won't go to the produce section like everyone else. And all enemy sympathizers smoke. They don't just smoke tobacco, they smoke everything. Clearly they don't have the slightest concern for our health.
If you think your neighbour is an enemy sympathizer, don't try to arrest him yourself. Call the authorities. They'll surround his house and humiliate him in front of everyone as they take him away for questioning. And don't worry. Even if he turns out to be innocent, our interrogation staff can always use the workout.
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