The Blame Game

Host: It's time for the nation's favourite new game show, The Blame Game. Each of our contestants has done something wrong and the one who blames their way out of it in the most destructive way will win ... twenty-five thousand dollars! Let's get started right away. Lucy, what did you do to get on the show? Lucy: I cheated on my university exam. Host: And whom is responsible for this foul deed? Lucy: My ethics professor. He doesn't work hard enough. Host: Fine, fine. And Albert, what did you do? Albert: I broke into the church and stole the sacramental wine. Host: And whose fault is that? Albert: The nuns. If they weren't so strict with me as a child, I wouldn't have become an alcoholic. Host: Sounds reasonable. The last of our three contestants is Theresa. What did you do, Theresa? Theresa: (Racked with guilt) I stole my child's UNICEF money and used it to buy a pack of cigarettes! I feel so horrible! Host: Why is that? Isn't it your child's fault? Theresa: Are you crazy? I know I've done a horrible thing. I'll never forgive myself! Lucy: Excuse me, I'd like to change my answer. Host: You don't want to blame your professor? Lucy: No, it was Theresa. I mean, she as much as admitted it right here. Albert: Yeah, and if Theresa can steal UNICEF money, I'm sure she's capable of stealing sacramental wine! Theresa did it! (The audience chants 'Theresa did it!' as Theresa succumbs to bitter tears.) Host: Well, it looks like we have a two-way tie on The Blame Game today. Lucy and Albert, congratulations! You have each just become twelve thousand five hundred dollars richer! Theresa: I can't stand it any more! (She pulls out a gun and commits suicide. Momentary silence.) Host: Okay, who let Theresa in here with a gun in her purse?
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.