Guilt Trip

Congratulations, Monica! Because of the particularly reprehensible nature of your crime, you are our finalist. Now, we know all about how you stole your sister's shoes and left her to walk barefoot on the hot pavement until she wound up in the hospital and had to have her feet amputated. Monica, you have a whole closet full of shoes. Why did you need to take your sister's? Everyone liked her shoes more than any of mine. That was greedy. I know, but I'm sorry now ... so sorry. Yes, but are you sorry you did it or sorry that you didn't get away with it? (Tearfully) Sorry that I did it. I wish I could go back in time. Go back in time so that you could undo it or go back so that you could do it right? (Angrily) So that I could undo it, of course! Well, we're not convinced, Monica. That was such a nasty thing to do to your sister that we think you're just crying from a warped sense of self pity rather than from guilt. Isn't that so, folks? (The audience shouts their agreement.) There, you see? No! It's from guilt! If you had any sense of guilt, you wouldn't have felt so good about it before you were caught. How do you know I felt good about it? We know about how you visited your sister in the hospital to tell her about your new dancing lessons. You were quite happy. But I'm crying now! I'm afraid that there's only one way that you can prove that your tears are coming from your conscience, my dear. When Judas realized that his betrayal had cost an innocent man his life, he was so overcome by guilt that he hung himself. So behind that curtain is a gallows. (Curtain opens) This is the perfect opportunity for you to gain our pity. What do you say, folks? Who wants to see Monica hang? We'd believe her then, right? (The audience cheers wildly.) Well? What are you waiting for? Go on, girl! (She reluctantly ascends the apparatus and reaches for the noose but fails to go through with it.) Just as I thought, you only care about yourself. But it is a little excessive to demand your life when your sister is still alive. Why don't we just lop off your feet and call it even? What do you say, folks? (The audience chants 'Off with her feet!') Let's get Barney in here. (Enter a masked ax-man.)Everyone, let's have a big hand for Barney the Executioner from Decapitalism. (Audience cheers.) Please, no! I'm a great dancer! Of course you are. Because guilty feet have got no rhythm and you feel no guilt. (Barney overpowers her and ties her to a table in front of the wildly enthusiastic crowd. He raises his ax and is about to bring it down.) You can't do this! Hold it, Barney! (Barney rests the blade on his shoulder and waits.) You're lucky, Monica. This show is about guilt, not about justice. Now take your twenty-five thousand dollar prize and get the Hell out of here!
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.